i weighed myself for the first time since i stuffed my face  during my cold.
110.
i was 108. :(
up two pounds. not as bad as i was expecting because i've been eating "normal" for the past couple of days and not purging as much as usual. 

i'm going to see how much weight i can loose by next tuesday. 105? we'll see.
i think i've boosted my metabolism so hopefully the weight comes off as i'm expecting.

I broke my  fast on wednesday night- i was high. but i only had half of a turkey sandwich, really thats not bad considering i had the munchies.
but after i got home i had a million bowls of cereal. i purged it all up. 
other than that i've kept it under 400 cals everyday. haha i guess it's only been two days but still. one day at a time.

Thankfully finals are next week so i can get out of being with friends this weekend, i'll just say i'm studying.
:( thats sad. but i hate hanging out with firends because all they do is eat! i love them when we do other things though.
it's difficult. 
blah. i've realized that my family eats a lot of pizza. that's what they're eating to night...

i think i'll just say i don't like the sauce and spit it out. i purged everything i ate today and i don't really want to eat anything else, even though all i had was broccoli and carrots. god. i purge a lot. and i hate it.

okay.
i'm finally back on track.
i WAS 108 before i got sick and started  eating the world. now, i have no clue what i weigh...i'm terrified of weighing myself.
i think i'm somewhere between 110 and 115. which is terrible. bad bad bad. and FAT fat fat fat fat fat. for me at least- i'm short and when i gain or lose 5 pounds it's quite obvious.

i fasted today and did very well though and now i have everything under control again.
i have so much going on and so much to take care of right now, hopefully i'll be too busy to eat.
only two more weeks of school, i can't wait to get all of my papers and work done so that i can start thinking less about school and more about my workout plan for the summer. i can't wait for summer, i'm going to lose so much. i got contracted into a summer theatre company so i'll be working 10am to 10pm everyday, i wont have a lot of time to eat, and my new house is close to the center for the arts so i'll be walking/running/roller blading there and back everyday. plus i'm moving out of my parents house so i won't have to worry about my them nagging me. i think they know i purge, oh well. we don't talk about our feelings in this family so i know they'll never confront me. 

i'm going to start posting everyday, that way i know i'll stay on track.
i have so much to look forward to. 
i will be thin, and i will be thin soon.

it'd be nice to drop below 95 in the near future...

i am so motivated right now, i WILL get down to 105 by the end of the week. i just went grocery shopping and bought all sorts of friuts and veggies. I will eat nothing but that until i get down to 100. i'm getting closer, 108 right now. 

but MOTIVATION-  the boy i've got my eye on just changed his facebook status.
he changed it to  "ew. fat girls." 
now, i lose weight to satisfy myself, but it's so much more motivating when people are indirectly supportive.

I WILL BE THIN. and then i'll get the guy. i will never have him as fat as i am now.

goal- 100 by April 28th

goal two- 94 by the end of May, 
i'll see how i'm going and adjust accordingly. I know it's always difficult for me to keep losing once i pass 97.

okay, first post. 
i feel like i just need to get it out of the way.
and i feel pretty lame about it seeing as i have no friends. who am i talking to cuz i'm definitly not talking to myself...


whatevsies